Monday, October 31, 2011


I remember our first conversation. It was mid-January and the evening breeze was a chill to my bones. 

It was our school retreat and Damon and I were sitting on a deteriorating bench. I could sense he was having the jitters. He told me he wanted to escort Kelsy to the retreat ball but he couldn't because he didn't have the balls to ask her so he asked for my help. He asked me if I could convince Kelsy to go with him. So I agreed to help him, but in a gut wrenching thought I wished...

That he had picked me instead.

I put up a fake smile and told him to leave it to me and so he thanked me and he ran along. I sighed and said to myself that my feelings for him was just temporary.

After the retreat, I went on with my life, and ecstatic that I already forgotten about him. Every time I would see Kelsy and Damon together in the hallway I found myself happy because I knew I did the right thing by not telling him how I felt.

A good chunk of time passed by, I didn't know what had happened but rumors had it that the sparks between Kelsy and Damon had dimmed away. I just let them be. But then it dawned upon me where this was going...

Another year passed by and he told me he had feelings for me. I felt terrible because Kelsy and I were good friends and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Even though I had feelings for Damon I just kept it to myself. After a few months of hiding it, I found I couldn't keep the feelings inside anymore. I couldn't live my life for other people. I had to do what was right for me, even if I hurt some people I love.

So, we started texting and hung out more often at school. We chose the same jersey number. I watched his basketball games and cheered for him.

As the days went by we got close and closer, but I was caught of guard one fateful night. That night that I may never learn to forget... Damon and I were strolling along outside the school, the stars were shining like diamonds. For a quick moment I sensed he was looking at me, and I looked up. We looked at each other's eyes, he opened his mouth to speak. My breath was taken away for a split second that I couldn't remember his voice when he said it. Yet at that, I knew what he said.

"I love you Emma."

I wanted to tell him I loved him too but I couldn't because I didn't have the guts to do it. So I just laughed and punched him. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him and all I could do was wonder how I'd ever fallen in love with a guy like Damon. 

School was about to end and summer was just around the corner. As the days went by, my feelings for him elevated and intensified. Our relationship wasn't always easy, it was more of a roller coaster ride. We would fight over the smallest things and it reached to a point that our love for each other died down and I found no point in staying.

The time eventually came and we found ourselves at the dreaded fork on the road. We didn't think twice, we went on our separate ways.

A few months after our breakup, Damon had already moved on and found someone else. I wished that I could've rolled back the clock and change everything but it was too late because he was madly in love, with a girl named Verna. At first I thought I was alright about that, but soon I found myself depressed and I couldn't eat. I lost so much weight, and every night I cried myself to sleep. My grades went downhill. My life was wrecked, but it wasn't the end. My family was there and they helped me get back on my feet. They convinced me of their unconditional love, and that there was more to life than Damon.

I am 19 now, but even up to now I can still remember every moment of our time together, right down to the smallest details. Right at this moment, I'm scanning through pictures of you and me, trying to convince myself that I don't love you anymore. But somehow, come what may, I will always love you and I will never forget you.

But maybe God made someone else for me.